I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
