I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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