you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
