Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
