if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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