As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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