hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
