I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
