You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
