It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
