You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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