i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
