Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
