Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just blew my weed a kiss
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
