The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
