I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
