Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Even my vagina gasped.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
