It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
