your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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