God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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