That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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