I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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