kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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