you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
