In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
