I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
