Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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