And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
