please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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