I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
