Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
