I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
