I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
