You really coming over, don't trick.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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