i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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