pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
