I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
