My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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