Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize