You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
