guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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