OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
