My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
