she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
