i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
