do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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