I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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