Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
