I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm bleeding and have questions
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
