I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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