It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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