Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
