they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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