Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
