I'm lost and stupid without you.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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