How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There r osticjed everywhere
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
