His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
