I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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