About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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